DIARIES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart“, Fyodor Dostoyevsky. 

What do you do when you know exactly what to do? Nothing of course.

This is the curse of someone who thinks so clearly – action becomes impossible. When every choice split into ten more and every reason cancels another. Instead of moving you stay still, not because you are weak but because you sees too much. You understand the consequences, every end, every possible regret, until even the simplest decision feels dishonest.

Then slowly something strange happens. You begins to prefer inaction because doing nothing means you don’t have to choose which version of yourself to betray.

It is a kind of illness, not confusion but over consciousness. The kind that doesn’t guide you, it traps you.

So, if you’ve ever felt stuck, not because you don’t know what to do, but because you know too much? Maybe it’s not hesitation, and maybe the hardest thing isn’t thinking, it’s acting without needing certainty?

Maybe I need to start by finding someone that pushes me harder than I push myself? Let’s face it, competition reignites what solo motivation kills!